Being Debriefed
by welliguessthisisnobigdeal
Summary: The doctor summons River to help him save the universe. She, however has other ideas for how they should spend their time. "Oh come on, I didn't travel across the entire universe to be debriefed. That's your job." Rated T to be safe.


He tapped his foot incessantly on the floor of the TARTIS, his blood pulsing in his veins and through his hearts faster than the ship he was driving. He glanced at the timer on the console; fifteen seconds left. He pulled a lever and the whole room shook before standing still; ten seconds. He did twenty jumping jacks, his fingers trembling with a mixture of fear and excitement; five seconds. He hid behind under the brass bench in the corner; four, three-.

She exploded into the room, two seconds too early. The door stood ajar as she burst through and stood facing him, her hair flying out in all directions, her eyes darting wildly around the room before they found him. As soon as they made eye contact, he leaped out from his hiding place and immediately began spouting words.

"Thank god you're here! I've been waiting for a whole minute. Though you are two seconds early so I suppose it's only been 58 seconds. There is an emergency. We need to go back to Azgod right now and-. Oh god, have we done Azgod yet? If not, oops, spoilers. There is a break out epidemic of a rare virus that is somehow able to travel between atmospheres and spread from one galaxy to the next within a matter of seconds and it's an absolute disaster and-." He paused to breathe.

"Hello to you too sweetie." She replied, smirking, making her way over to him. "And yes, we have done Azgod."

"Good, well, you know how the genetic engineering programs there are accelerating."

"_Were_ accelerating for me, darling." She corrected, slowly closing the distance between them.

"Oh, um, well, anyway-."

She rested a hand on his chest, and he froze. "You know it's been almost a year for me?" She informed him as she gently toyed with his suspenders.

"A year since what?" He asked, completely clueless.

"A year since I've seen you." She breathed, her hands traveling upwards and pulling him to her by the collar of his jacket.

His eyes widened. "Wow, River, I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

She leaned forward so that their foreheads were touching. "I'm sure we'll find a way to make it up for the lost time."

He cheeks flushed bright fuchsia, but he couldn't fight the childish grin that snaked across his face. His giddiness disappeared as quickly as it came, however, and his expression turned serious. "We have work to do."

"Oh come on, I didn't travel across the entire universe to be debriefed." She drawled as he carefully squirmed away from her. Before he could escape she grabbed him by the bowtie and pulled him so that their bodies were pressed up against each other. "That's your job."

"River!" He exclaimed, the blood rushing to his face again as her hands slowly traveled downwards.

"Doctor!" She cried, mimicking his high pitched voice.

"What has gotten into you?" He stammered.

"You're joking, right?" River deadpanned. "You sent me a message on the psychic paper saying that you needed my body."

"What's that got to do with the way you're acting?" The doctor sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

River looked up at him, lifting an eyebrow.

As if a light bulb turned on in his head his eyes widened in realization. "Oh, River I meant that I needed your body so that I could extract one of your DNA strands."

Her jaw dropped, but she didn't loosen her hold on him. She bit her lip, contemplating.

"What are you thinking?" He asked nervously.

Slowly, her eyes fixated on his once again, and her excited grin returned.

"River don't." He pleaded uselessly.

"I'd like to see you try and resist me."

"Look, River," He tried to concentrate as her lips grazed his neck. "Look, I-." He was cut off as she captured his mouth in hers, kissing him fervently. When she released him, he gasped and attempted to continue talking. "Alright, um," He grabbed her hands before they could reach for his belt. "Here's the plan."

"You never quit do you?" River groaned and relaxed, her hands and lips retreating. She backed away from him and stared expectantly at him. "Go on then, what's the plan? And why do you need my DNA for it to work."

Her insides tingled as he launched into an elaborate explanation of his latest masterful plan. She put her hands on her hips and shook her head, smiling in spite of herself. As he talked through his idea with her she couldn't help but marvel over how absolutely brilliant he was.

He noticed her staring at him. "What?" He cocked his head to the side. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Oh, it's nothing it's just," She paused and gazed at his sparkling eyes. "You."

"Me?" He asked, still confused. "What about me?"

"You're just so." She found herself getting unusually flustered searching for the right word. "Wonderful?" She said slowly, still unsure of what

He smiled gently and walked towards her. "Thank you, sweetie."

Her breath caught as he approached, closer and closer until, "Ow." She yelped and glanced down at her arm where the doctor had scratched her. "What was that for?"

He whirled around, darting away from her. "That," He lifted up a pointy white toothpick tooth pick type thing and put it in a plastic bag. "Was me taking some of your DNA. We are going to take it down to Azgod and see if we can't use it to create a cure to the virus."

"Alright, what are you waiting for?" She was starting to get impatient. "Power her up." She gestured at the consol.

"See that's the glitch." He scrunched up his features thoughtfully. "I don't want to land the TARTIS in Azgod because she might get infected. We're going to have to get there some other way."

"Oh so you're okay with exposing your wife to the virus but not your space ship?" River huffed.

"Yes!" He replied as if it were obvious. She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Well, no because she's not just a space ship." He scratched his head. "Besides, you and I aren't susceptible to it because we have time lord in our genes and it's a virus that time lords were able to resist over time due to their evolution."

"Very well then." She conceded. "But, how are we going to get to Azgod without using the TARTIS."

"Well, we are floating directly above its atmosphere right now." He reminded her. "So I'll just have to figure out a way to extend the planets gravitational field so that as soon as we step outside the door we fall."

"Sweetie, I can't do that."

"It wouldn't really be falling so much as jumping." He assured her. "And I've got us both parachutes. One of mankind's more clever inventions if you ask me."

"No, I mean I can't jump out of the TARTIS." She said flatly.

"But of course you can." He brushed it off. "Why couldn't you?"

"I'm wearing a dress, doctor."

"So a few people see your underwear. Wouldn't you rather that then the universe be slowly demolished by a flesh eating virus?"

"Oh, god." River slapped her fore head with her head, trying to figure the best way to explain her dilemma delicately. "You see, I… I'm not wearing underwear."

His eyes dilated and practically bulged straight out of his head and he swallowed so hard she could see his Adams apple bobbing. His fists clenched at his sides. "And why is that, Professor Song?" He asked through gritted teeth.

She looked at the floor, embarrassed for the first time in a while for how badly she had misread the doctor's message. "Well, I just thought-. Because the way you made it seem in the message I-. Doctor, it's been a year since I've seen you. That's a whole year without…" She trailed off awkwardly. "What do you expect from me? I'm only human."

"You aren't just a human." The doctor replied irritated.

"I know you think I'm all special because I'm the child of the TARTIS and what not." River ranted. "And in many ways I am special. But in many ways I am completely one hundred percent susceptible to the, ahem, sexual urges of a human. I'm sorry if it took you this long to realize it." She took a deep breath and glanced nervously back up at him.

"No, I mean you aren't just a human, you're my human." He finished his sentence.

This time it was her turn to blush and she could feel that warm fuzzy feeling rushing through her whole body as an inexplicable force pulled them together simultaneously. She felt their lips touch, first gently, then fervently and passionately as his hands cupped her face and her fingers dug into the muscles of his chest. He pushed her backwards and they found themselves bent over the console, legs intertwined, him grabbing her hair and he small of her back simultaneously and yanking her into him.

He suddenly pulled away gasping. "Wait, wait, wait. River,"

"What is it this time?"

"I was just going to say." He took another gulp of air. "I think it's time you debriefed me Professor Song."

She laughed and kissed his neck, her hands traveling downwards once again and fiddling with his belt buckle.

He threw his head back. "Ten minutes." He told her, running his finger through her perfect curls. "And then we go find you some underwear."


End file.
